There is one scenario that’s been repeated time and time again in our home since I moved to Norway. ‘What??!! Fish paste for breakfast??!! No way!!’ exclaims every single new visitor the first time kaviar makes its appearance at the breakfast table. And then, invariably, a few days later, when preparing to fly home: ‘You know what? I’d really like to bring some of that kaviar thing back. Where can I buy some??’ I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard this over the past two years, and how it makes me laugh. But I like it. At least my guests are open-minded people, who can see the error of their ways. Only idiots don’t change their mind.

Kaviar smuggling has as a result become routine every time I fly home as friends and family never fail to ask for some, which is fine when I’m checking a suitcase in, less so when I only have hand luggage with me, as I found out last time I went through custom at Rygge Airport. It turns out kaviar qualifies as a ‘fluid’. Go figure. I must say I fail to see how someone could make an explosive device with a bit of pink fish paste, or how it could represent a serious threat to other passengers (except maybe from the tube bursting mid-flight on someone’s lap?), but the customs people do take these things seriously.

The officer to whom I tried to explain how disappointed the intended recipient of the three tubes of Mills kaviar I had concealed at the bottom of my rucksack did not seem to understand what the fuss was all about. Had it been 11am, not 6am, I might have gobbled at least one of them on the spot, because it really broke my heart for all that good kaviar to go to waste. But that early in the morning, and on an empty stomach to boot, I can’t say I particularly fancied the idea. So the tube ended up in the bin (sacrilege!) and I arrived empty-handed at my destination. Much to the disappointment of my godson, who was possibly looking forward to seeing the kaviar even more than he did me. Yes, life can be tough sometimes…

A few facts about kaviar:

Although called ‘kaviar’, it’s got very little to do with real caviar, other than it’s made with fish roe (no, not sturgeon eggs, but cod roe). The Norwegian version is lightly smoked, salty yet a little bit sweet too, and varies in colour from pink to light orange. The two main brands are Mills and Kavli – I haven’t tried to establish which one is the most popular among Norwegians (sorry, life’s too short!), so I’ll be very biased and just say that my boyfriend swears by Mills. There! And remember, you’re not supposed to spread the kaviar on the bread with a knife, as you would let’s say pâté or jam, just squeeze it out instead. Last, but not least, a tube of kaviar retails at around 20Kr, great news for anyone travelling on a budget, provided you like fish of course. You could (if pushed) survive a few days on a tube of kaviar and a loaf of bread. You would get many of the nutrients you need too – kaviar’s full of healthy fats, vitamin D and B12, as well as omega 3, and contains 15% protein (although it’s really 75% water). Consumed to excess though, it might raise your cholesterol to dangerous levels, so as with all good things in life – enjoy in moderation